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This is me.

This is my life, and I love it…

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Chillin with the pups

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Watching Daddy mow the yard

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Loves this lawnmower toy

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Bubbles for days!

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He climbed up but couldn’t figure out how to get down. Isn’t that life?

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My two favorite people.

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Me and my little man.

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Happy boy right here.

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Run, Run, Run.

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I haven’t gone anywhere!

Quick update: I haven’t left, I promise! I had my wisdom teeth (all 4) removed and have been hibernating. I have one blog almost finished and ready to go and have several in the works! So get ready bloggers and blog-readers…

I’m coming back!

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When Hearts Bloom

So as you all know, I started this blog with the intention of emptying the mind; finding a purpose for myself. I wanted to create something inspiring but not because of something amazing I wrote, but because what I said may have hit home with someone that really needed to hear my heart.

Right. Then. And. There.

Someone asked me:

What is it about writing that draws you to it? What aspect?

I told them in raw honesty:

I think with writing, its a piece of me I never really realized was there. I always saw it as just something fun to do I guess, but didn’t ever realize the passion that was there. I had always wanted to start a blog but I dont know… I am not sure I was mature enough to really know what to do with one. Now I seem to be, I guess. Writing, being creative, its more than just something to do. I think it’s like how piano is for Eric; Its a way to express a part of yourself that only has one way out. For Eric, its through his fingers, into the keys. For me, its the same; just different instrument.

This was spurred by someone writing me, asking me if I would be interested in writing blogs for their company; a company that has clients in the animal field; my passion.

(I was an Assistant Director at an animal shelter and loved it. It was my dream job that I left for my son. That will be in an upcoming blog.)

But they wanted me. FOR PAY. You’re probably like, “well, duh, Sarah. Of course it’s not for free.” But I was never told,

Hey, you have value. Your heart needs to be on paper for all to see, for the world to see, and we are willing to pay for that…

I’m going to be paid to do something I love. I had NO. IDEA. how much I loved it till that very moment. And then something beautiful happened.

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I can’t tell you what’s going to happen next.

– This could be a one-and-done deal.

– They could have me write and go with someone else.

– I could never have someone seek me out again.

But I don’t know this. So I refuse to count myself out. Someone decided to take stock in me. I won’t take that lightly.

And neither should you. Take yourself seriously. Take your blog or whatever it is you do seriously and don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s any less than that.

I had people tell me in the beginning,

Oh that’s a nice outlet. Good for you.

Trust me, they meant well. These were people that loved me. But it can be disheartening when someone (inadvertently) tells you what you’re doing is small. Now that’s not what they meant and I was probably overly sensitive, to be fair. Point is, no matter how you take it, no matter how they meant it, don’t let your darker, inner voice tell you it’s worthless, whatever “it” is for you.

Keep going.

Let your heart bloom.

Let your soul come alive.

But be prepared for it, because when it happens, it will engulf you…

In the best of ways. 💜

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Nashville: Missing Person

UPDATE (6-11-18): He still has not been found. As far as we know, at this point, he is a “body recovery”. Please keep the family and friends in your thoughts and prayers. Please still keep a lookout for him.

Hi guys. I didn’t think to post this sooner and am kicking myself for it.

Tim Wilson, a friend of my husband’s is missing in Nashville. PLEASE keep a lookout and pass around this info. Please know this is NOT for shares or likes or stats. Please feel free to not even share my post but to copy the info, save the picture and share separately wherever you can. I could care less about the stats. I want Tim found…

Here’s where you can keep up on the updates and THIS is what you can share as well if you’d be so willing:

Help Find Tim Wilson

Tim is 5’9 with a thin build and around 140lbs. He has brown hair with some grey in it and almost always wears it in a bun. He has a beard. He has a tattoo on his left hand of an eye and has a script tattoo on his right shoulder and going down his arm. Again, if you find anything please contact the East Nashville police ASAP.

PLEASE call the police and post on the FB page if you think you see him at any point.

Thank you all so much… please be praying.

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A poem, but not for me.

This is a poem I wrote for another blogger who was accepting submissions following a poem previously written. My interpretation of the person’s poem was someone in love with another. This other, they were not ready to let go of hurts from the past in order to be a part of the world of today, not ready to be a part of this person’s world. Not ready to let love in again. Here is my continuation:

 

The freedom you cling to, devoured
The rose you dwell in, shriveled and worn
The soul you foster, while innocent and mild
Springs forth into darkness, blinded and torn
I continue to thirst for a love so sour
I sit in the garden and count down the hours
This day, this night, this echoing fear
What have you done to the hope that was near?
Tormented, you sift through the pain
And decide in the end there was nothing to gain.
A bittersweet end, all the same.

 

To see the beginning of the poem, please click HERE.

 

There is love in holding…and there is love in letting go.
Elizabeth Berg

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Forevermore.

You needed me,
This darkest hour.
You loved me.
You came for rest.

You watched me slip.
Your internal screams.
You didn’t shield me.
I couldn’t breathe.

Arrogance and preservation;
The sin that seals my fate.
And in the face of recognition,
Your forgiveness, what bitter taste.

For well into eternity,
Grateful, I will always be.

– The Nashville Wife

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Time.

You continuously show me that just when I think I have a handle on the soul-crushing amount of love I feel, you grow up just a little more, you love me just a little more, and all the control I think I had, vanishes.

Look at me.
I’m an adult.
I have a child that I’m raising on my own, instead of the one being raised.

When did this switch actually happen?
It all feels like a distant memory.

… Jumping on the couch with my BFF.

→ 26 years ago.

… Running downstairs, full of tears and joy, finding out I was a sister.

→ 23 years ago.

… Becoming a teenager.

→ 20 years ago.

… Knowing I was like a second mom to my little brothers.

→ 12 years ago.

… Getting married.

→ 7 years ago.

… Having a child.

→ Just shy of 2 years ago.

 

It looks so small, such a short amount of time when you just list it like that. Sometimes I feel like half my life is gone, like I wasted it. But look at where I am. Look at what lies ahead.

It has only just begun.

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The Resplendent Bride

“I call her my Resplendent Bride because I have eyes and ears and for a time she even let me hold her hand.”

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My friend died of cancer at a very young age, just a few years ago. Her husband, Evan, wrote a book, Resplendent Bride.

He loved her.

He spoke of her in ways that put many an author to shame.

He wrote about grief and studied the brilliant writings of C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed.

I have wrestled with my own understandings of suffering in this world, especially as that of a Christian, a Christ-follower. A true believer. I have seen the loss in various forms and have worn out the carpet with my pacing of “why, God?”. 

This book has given me so much more depth on the subject of suffering. I have not felt nor experienced the kind of grief this man has endured, and I pray every day that I never have to. Not like that. 

I encourage you to pick up this book. It applies to everyone…

→ if you are suffering

→ if you are a widow

→ if you are wrestling with God on the subject of suffering (as I have now for over a year)

→ or if you simply need to learn how to best understand what to say to someone who is grieving (because many of us inadvertently say the wrong and the worst thing…)

Click HERE to view the book. Perhaps consider a purchase. It’s well worth it.

It’s 151 pages including the epilogue. Another 7 pages of the Appendix which is about ways to comfort the suffering. About 160 pages in all. 

And all 160 pages of well spent, well written love and loss. 
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This is, I suppose, where we will meet again.