10 Ways to not make a mess of your life.

[a satire]

Good luck with your hopes and dreams! – Brian Regan

I had the opportunity to go back to my hometown in Missouri this past weekend to visit family (hence the lack of posting. I know you missed me.)
Talking to all my friends and family got me thinking of things that add to our existence. I decided to put a twist to them.

This is purely satirical and not what I actually feel,
especially #8 as I, myself, am an introvert.
[But it sure was funny to write.]

1. Don’t Date.  The opposite sex is evil, pure evil. Dating is a void; it robs you of brain matter.
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2. Don’t get a job that enhances your creativity and desires.  Those kind of jobs only bring you emptiness and feelings of inadequacy. Set the bar low.
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3. SPEND. ALL. YOUR. MONEY. NOW.  Only fools waste their time saving money.  It’s much simpler to just blow it all and hope you make more tomorrow.
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4. Go to college. Or Don’t.  It’s not really your decision if you get “that job” anyways.
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5. Desire a purposeless life.  Then you don’t have to blog about it in your 30’s
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6. Skip your 20’s.  Those 10 years only exist to remind yourself of how much of a moron you were. Don’t be a moron. We’re over it.
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7. Binge-watch Netflix.  Their life is more interesting anyways.
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8. Be an introvert.  Don’t go out in public. People think you hate them (I mean, you screen their calls) and so no one likes you anyways (or so you believe.) All they want is to be around you. All you want is for them to disappear. No people = no drama.  If you’re an extrovert? I’m sorry. Good luck with that.
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9. Don’t Inspire; Conspire.  Worry about no one else. You are the top of the food chain now. You must survive. The status of your Facebook likes & Snapchat updates depend on it.
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10. Don’t read blogs. Better yet, don’t read period. Knowledge isn’t power. Knowledge is an open gate to endless suffering.
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    The End.
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    NOTE: for those that would like to read a fantastic article on introverts (my favorite one to date), click here